Shakespearean Insults as Marketing Slogans

For all you hard working, self starters out there with no imagination; it’s time you teamed up with a creative genius – Shakespeare – for some really great marketing slogans.

Not so much brain as earwax- How great would this be etched on the office door of an ENT or Brain Surgeon?

Foot Licker - Every place of business has one of these 16th century equivalents of the butt kisser. Hang this placard in their cubical one day when their out getting the boss’ dry cleaning.

The soul of this man is in his clothes – Sign displayed on Rodeo Drive – customers think it’s a compliment.

Light of brain – After binge eating all week, this is the only way my Weight Watcher leader could explain my 3 pound weight loss.


Highly fed and lowly taught – Sign proudly displayed on the wall of an all- you- can- eat restaurant frequented by students cutting class.

I desire we may be better strangers – New Face Book button. Use this for your customers who repeatedly request a free quote but never buy anything.

A fusty nut with no kernel – Finally, a smear campaign small nut growers can use to topple the giant of the peanut industry.

Canker- blossom and Thou art a boil – Popular insults used by rival dermatologists for the purpose of wooing patients away from their rival.

Quintessence of dust – New maid service in town.

All eyes and no sight – Heading for a 40% off coupon for cataract surgery.

Don't have a business? Don’t worry. These are also good for avoiding conversations with Chatty-Cathy on the bus. Just start firing these babies off at random (oh, and don't forget the spittle.)

I have this warning though - if you encounter a blank stare after sharing one of these gems, you'll know you've encountered someone from the “earwax” crowd. I recently learned that to create a successfull piece of commercial fiction, it needs to be written at an 8th grade reading level (5th grade is even better). Sorry William!

And for those conspiracy theorists out there who don't believe William Shakespeare actually wrote everything attributed to him - I have one thing to say: That may be true, and if so - the true author was also a great Marketer!