Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Purse Diving

My friends wonder how I get so much writing done while I’m at work. They think I must not have very much to do. Actually, while my body is busy completing the mundane tasks of an administrative drone, my brain actually has too much time on it’s… hands. Let me demonstrate:

As I was standing outside the office and digging around in my uber fashionable - but way too carnivorous (wait – I meant really, really, big – not meat-eating) purse this morning, searching for my access card, I happened upon my name tag. Normally, something this small would never come to hand without a stadium powered light and an hour long frisk that’d make any Man-in-Blue proud. Everything smaller than my trout sized wallet merely churns around my hand elusively with the rest of the flotsam (make up, eye drops, pens, mints, etc.) while I fish for bigger items. My access card is the exception though, due to the attached 2 foot long, red and blue (Go Wildcats!) lanyard. Reaching in elbow deep and groping around for a minute or so, I simply hook a finger into the lanyard and pull the whole thing out of the abyss with only a small shower of receipts, envelopes and gum wrappers cascading to the ground.

Friday, October 7, 2011

Shakespearean Insults as Marketing Slogans

For all you hard working, self starters out there with no imagination; it’s time you teamed up with a creative genius – Shakespeare – for some really great marketing slogans.

Not so much brain as earwax- How great would this be etched on the office door of an ENT or Brain Surgeon?

Foot Licker - Every place of business has one of these 16th century equivalents of the butt kisser. Hang this placard in their cubical one day when their out getting the boss’ dry cleaning.

The soul of this man is in his clothes – Sign displayed on Rodeo Drive – customers think it’s a compliment.

Light of brain – After binge eating all week, this is the only way my Weight Watcher leader could explain my 3 pound weight loss.